Indigestion

Indigestion

Recently we went out to dinner with five other couples. During the meal one of the people in our party mentioned how terrible the slaughter of children at the Parkland, Florida school had been. One of the other members of our group, while agreeing completely, bemoaned the fact that over one hundred combat veterans were committing suicide every week in America. She was upset that so much media attention was focused on the kids and so little on the ongoing vets’ tragedy.

These two simple, and decent statements, launched World War III. One diner at our table blamed Trump for the children’s deaths referring to some ten years ago at Sandy Hook while yet another member of our party had little sympathy for the vets. He bragged, as a moral objector, he had gone North to Canada during the Vietnam war. Still another intellectual squirrel could see no comparison as the vets had a choice and the students had not.

Do I really have to elaborate?

I, for once, kept my mouth shut. I have enough trouble defending what I write every month. I was really enjoying my steak dinner and didn’t want to tell the “blame-Trump-dude” or the “compassionate” Vietnam-Canadian Explorer what I thought of them. So, for once, I listened to my mother’s advice and kept my mouth closed while I was chewing my food.

Immigration was another cause of indigestion two nights later. While waiting at the airport for my kids to arrive from Seattle I overheard a discussion worth mentioning. One of the people waiting for the same Alaskan Airline flight I was there for, wanted to open our borders to everyone from everywhere. Ours, in his opinion, is a land of immigrants and the more the merrier. He couldn’t care less if they came from Mars, Jupiter or Peru.

A woman sitting nearby overheard the comments and agreed … but not completely. While she also did not want to deport illegals, she wanted them all shot and sent home in boxes. This would guarantee, I guess, that they would never sneak back into America.

Fortunately, the rest of the people waiting for the flight to arrive were silent. It would have been very difficult to add to the brilliance that flowed from the two debaters. At least, for once, we didn’t have a brawl.

A week later Linda and I joined another group of friends for a great Chinese meal in a local spot. Sure enough, someone had to blow the whole deal and mention gun control. I was really pleased that we were going to have a discussion on such a non-controversial topic.

I ask you…can WWIV start before WWIII is finished?
The yelling and screaming that went on was unbelievable. Please note that I didn’t say “debate” because there was none. Just about everyone had a say but no one was willing to listen to any opposing viewpoints. All lip and no ears. Other patrons began to stare. It was heated, loud and embarrassing.

When our friends noticed how silent I was they finally asked for my opinion. I casually, and very quietly, stated that I believed in the Constitution and the Founding Fathers’ ideas. They were very smart people I announced. I respected their views.

Further, I mentioned that under the Eisenhower Administration Congress, all seventy four states had passed the one hundredth and sixteenth amendment to the Constitution allowing all citizens and illegal aliens the right to bear what ever arms they might wish to purchase. Because the amendment did bar people with serious criminal records from purchasing battle tanks and attack aircraft and other weapons of mass destruction I felt comfortable.

I continued by mentioning that because of the “politics of the moment” to insure my family’s safety, should any intruder appear, I had been forced to purchase two nuclear weapons for our home from North Korea. I made it clear that as Dick’s Sporting Goods and several other American retailers had voluntarily decided to no longer sell certain weapons, I had been forced to abandon my America First policy and purchased from abroad. Further, I admitted to having two hand grenades in the glove box of each of our automobiles and an operating Civil War Gatling gun in the rear of my SUV.

Has your wife ever given you a “no sex for you” stare?

Last night, before we released this edition we did it again … dinner out. For once I felt safe, I believed we had exhausted just about every contentious issue possible … except for Russia controlling both political parties, Congress and the Supreme Court prior to the election. Wrong! The woman who had strong feelings about immigrants the previous week was at in again. But last night she decided to solve all issues relating to racial relations. I wondered if we should still split the anticipated bill because she blew my appetite…again! The lady had just used the nuclear button. Lord the battle that broke out.

On this occasion I demonstrated my sheer brilliance. I put my hearing aid in my pocket and smiled.

We are eating home more and more.

Allen Herman
Your opinions are always welcomed.
uptightsuburban@aol.com

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